Follies of the Mind

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For some weird reason, I remembered you.

I remembered all the witty conversations, the constant exchange, the heart to hearts, the spectrum of feelings I felt when I thought I had you. I remembered the moments fondly, on how I would look up and thank Him for sending someone to hold me during those dark moments. I remembered how I felt comforted, of somehow feeling— free, even if it holds a paradox of its own. I remembered being held, of somehow being part of your world as you were in mine. I remembered the joy of lifting something heavy of your chest and the solace of finding someone that I could relate to.  I remembered how time used to be so still, despite the world collapsing itself in endless motion.

We were both in hand, submerged in our hopes. We got lost in transit of our fantasies and excited for what the future was going to hold.

But then, suddenly, everything went pitch black. Everything was tainted.

I remembered all the lies, all the false hopes, and the hurt. I remembered being vulnerable and open.. and how I ended up tainted in the end. I remembered the regrets, the sadness, the brief emptiness of time on how it all ended. I remembered all the internal debates and conflict of how I let myself be a part of the misery. I remembered the sleepless nights and infinite moments of getting lost in my trail of thoughts.

But then again, somehow a light managed to penetrate through. The clouds were swooped away and a ray of hope went straight into me. I embraced it. The veins in my body felt the light and it was able to find its way to heal.

And so, I remembered the follies of men and how it ironically comforted me so. I remembered how the subject of being alone was a lie, and I wasn’t after all. I remembered being held so tightly by faith and how the void of my heart was heard. I remembered the joy of how everything started to turn out. I remembered the feeling of victory of conquering my fears and strengths. I remembered the feeling of happiness as life progressed on.

But most of all, I remembered the how I told myself that I was not alone after all. I remembered how I was still loved after all and that no other feeling in the world could tantamount to this great ineffable miracle I felt within me. I remembered the love that never failed and compared it to the previous so called “love” that was untrue. I remembered myself realizing that there could never be anything or anyone that could fill this void better than Him, who told me He will so. I remembered His grace and how He told me that He was the real love.

And so, I remembered Him whispering to me, in the silence of the night, that there is only one kind of real and true love and that is through Him.

He told me of love that is constant and clothed me in His own words of agape, as He brought me back home.

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