How are you guys?
I am truly sorry for the shortage of posts and doodles. I’ve been pretty busy and occupied with school stuff. Hell weeks never seemed to end. hoho. It is a shame I wasn’t able to share my january post– dedicated solely for my random new year resolutions or even my post-valentine rantings. hoho. (Maybe I’ll catch up on those two posts next time:)! )
Nevertheless, I am back– for now!
I realized I missed writing and blogging so much– not that I’m much of a pro writer or whatever.. but I miss the whole process of it. Of it being my only form of solitude.
So, the other day, I was able to watch Ramona and Beezus at HBO. After which, I ended up crying once again. I really didn’t know why, but I just did. Maybe, because it is all about family mushy stuff again and as you all know, if you read my past depressing posts I still get all senti and sad when it comes to this subject. Anyway, I found myself thinking again. (HUHU sorry, this blogpost seemed to be all sad again.) Then I realized….
I really have a hard time opening up to most people. I don’t know if it is because of my trust issues or if it’s because of pride. I just don’t really want to feel small when they hear what I am going through. I really don’t like to be pitied. I don’t need that right now.
However, if there’s is one thing I realized lately, I really can’t fight this alone. REALLY. I admit–at one point in my life, the word “death” seemed like a fair option to me. I didn’t really think of the effects or the implications of the whole physical pain of its process or method. But I focused more on the sole purpose of it, for it to end all the distress, depression and emotional pain im feeling. Shameful, I know. Being a Christian, I never thought that this whole thought would come across my mind. Do I still think about it now? I would say… maybe. Yes. Yes and Yes. Sometimes, when the pain of life unceasingly creeps through, I still do. But of course, I try not to. I end up crying my eyes out instead. Anyway, that’s not the point. I realized that if I keep isolating myself in this state, I would never move on. If I keep all this feelings boiled up inside of me, I would end up breaking down all over again. I realized I really really really really can’t face it alone. I still need people– people who would truly understand what Im going through, people who would truly relate to me, people would in short, completely care. Yes, I used to think isolating myself and not telling anyone a single thing of what I am going through is a better way of coping. And well, I was wrong.
So to those people who have stuck with me all throughout, I give you all the massive bear hugs and the never ending thank you’s.
But most importantly, a much bigger thank You to the One who never left my side- God. hoho. 🙂 This battle is not mine anymore. It’s all His.
“… Be still and know I am God.” Psalm 46:10
in other news! Here are my latest update on my doodles:
|I find her pretty. Pencil on Moleskine! January, 2012|
|Zombie-look? HOHO. January 2012, edited.
drew on moleskine, used uni pin fine line pens.